2005年 11月 01日
上級冗談集
下記の冗談は知的でとてもすばらしいものです。みなさんへおすそ分けします。こんなに高等な冗談にはあまり出会えません。笑えない人はまだまだ冗談道の極めにはほど遠いですぞ。
ROTFL
日本語の冗談

次の俳句を英語にしてください。(上級)

言うまいと思えども今日の寒さかな。

You might think but today's some fish.

Clapping Hands
次の英語を日本語に訳してください。(下級)

To be to be ten made to be.

飛べ飛べ天まで飛べ

次の日本語を英語にしてください。(最下級)

しらける

White Kick

ざまあみろ

Look at Zama!

英語関連冗談

日産自動車会社の面接試験にて

面接官: GNP(国民総生産)は何の略なのか知っていますか?

就職希望者: ガンバレ ニッサン パルサー

試験結果: 合格

Contacts
英語の冗談(上級)

Two new additions to the periodic table of elements

Element Name: WOMANIUM

Symbol: WO

Atomic Weight: (don't even go there)

Physical properties: Generally soft and round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts when treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.

Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands!

Element Name: MANIUM

Symbol: XY

Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50)

Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct Electricity as easily as younger samples.

Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: CHILDIUM) for prolonged periods of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.

Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.

Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

下のジョークはかなり高等。

Waxy
Is a computer "male" or "female"?

A pastor of a church had previously been a sailor. He was very aware that ships are addressed as "she" and "her". He often wondered what gender computers should be addressed. To answer that question, he set up two groups of computer experts.

The first group was composed of women, and the second of men. Each group was asked to recommend whether computer should be referred to in the feminine gender, or the masculine gender. They were asked to give 4 reasons for their recommenda-
tions.

The group of women reported that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:

1. In order to get their attention you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.

The men, on the other hand, concluded that computers should be referred to in the feminine gender because:

1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half of your paycheck on accessories for it.

下のジョークは発想がすばらしい!
No
What if condoms had corporate sponsers?
Nike Condoms: Just do it.
Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.
Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.
Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.
Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.
Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less, it's that simple.
Ford Condoms: The best never rest.
Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever.
Coca Cola Condoms: Always the Real Thing.
McDonald's Condoms: Have it your way...
Hertz Condoms: We put you in a luxury seat...
M&M's - Melts in your mouth, not in your hand.
Kodak - Capture the moment
Intel: Intel inside
Philips : Let's make things better
American Express Condoms: Don't Leave Home Without It!


下のジョークはおもしろいが、ちょっとひどい。Sad

"Mummy Mummy, why am i running in circles?" "Shut up kid, or i'll nail your other foot to the floor..."
"Mummy, mummy I'm missing Daddy." "Shut up and keep shooting."
"Mummy, mummy I don't want to go to France." "Shut up and keep swimming."
"Mummy, mummy I hate my brother's guts." "Be quiet and eat the potatoes instead."
"Mummy mummy there's a man at the door with a nasty look on his face." "Tell him you've already got one."
"Mummy, mummy John says that I've got a big head." "Don't listen to him. Now run down the shops and get me 5lb of potatoes in your hat."
"Mummy, mummy John says that I'm a vampire." "Don't listen to him and drink your soup before it clots."
"Mummy, mummy I've broken both my legs." "Well don't come running to me!"
"Mummy, mummy, John says I'm a werewolf." "Don't listen to him and comb your face."
"Mummy, mummy can we get a waste disposal?" "Shut up and keep eating."
"Mummy, mummy, daddy's gone out." "I'll get some more petrol."
"Mummy, mummy, now that I'm sixteen can I start wearing lipstick and high heels?" "Certainly not Ralph."
"Mummy, mummy, my sister's spoiled." "Don't be silly, that's just the perfume she wears."
"Mummy, mummy can I have another glass of water?" "But that's the tenth one tonight." "Yes but the baby's room is still on fire."
"Mummy, mummy, I've written a novel to be published after I'm dead." I can't wait to read it.
[PR]

by luke-sumori | 2005-11-01 13:06 | 感激ジョーク


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